Heart pain

Today is 5/10/2017.

Yesterday night i went to her work place and waited for her. But of course i didnt let her i was there. Waited.waited. waited...
I didnt see her.
So i text her with a Hi..

She forgotten last time we dont need to talk much. A simple hi will engage us.
She took a long time to reply and informed that it was busy work week for her as it was her hospital JCI week.

We txt very long until 12am.

I still didnt tell her that i was there waiting for her.

At stroke of 12am, she said bye. She wants to get out of this cycle.

No longer she wants me into her life.

I was sad. Very sad.
I waited till 1am. No sign of her.
Today i woke up.. Felt even hurt before.
Hurt people hurt people.
Not me, i will not do that.

I told her before it is not she make the decision, but it was i who knows she wanted Olevel to be with her.. Always.
So even many times,  i just could not do it. The hot cold hot cold hot cold makes the relationship changed.
Chemically the substance in its form is the same but its contents /the love has already fizzles.. Thats why she says she hates me.

When i wanted her to go back my purpose is for her to keep olevel. But i was selfish.
I want to let go and yet i still hold on. Thats why she hates me for the hurt.
Yesterday we inevitably say good bye to each other. My objective finally on 4/10/2017 achieved. We dragged so long. Since 2014...

Yet my heart still hurts... Sometimes i wonder did i make the wrong choice.?

God tells me No.  She believes it. I believe it. But to act out is very difficult. Maybe becos we were lovers once.